I cry a song only I can hear.
You will never know the tune I play.
It’s rough at times,
My ears ache to share my burden song.
But alas you are tuned out.
My loyalties and strength will hold me up.
Again ignored and taken credit.
Too modest to speak instead of sing Those little mockingbird songs that make me want to scream.
So cage me up as you so often do, and throw a penny to hear a song.
But you don’t really listen to the words as you do your own.

I turn left on the empty road

as my eyes glance at the changing clock

1 across the four spaces 

I take one hand off the wheel to touch the numbers

as I make my wish

I blink for a moment to find tears 

The ugliest tears I have seen in a while.

I try to compose myself for a moment 

“You need to focus.”

Isn’t that what I have been doing all along?

I repeat my wish aloud as if someone could hear me.

But silence is around me, as I merge.

I want so bad for it to come true.

But wishes are for wizards, which I am not.

I do not have a spell that can change these past two years.

My heart shrinks inside my chest, gasping.

For so long I have taken care of them, I feel proud, I feel needed

But not appreciated.

They spit indirectly in my face and expect me to smile.

I fight continuously, but the tears pour out.

I want what is best for you my loves, but I need what is best for me.

I cannot be selfish, which is what some tell me that I need.

I fear I will be trapped, never to see beyond the cranes of the harbor.

I exit and wipe away the tears

I clear my throat and practice my smile.

I walk in and greet, as I normally do.

And hide the fact that I wished

you would put me first.  

It always seems to make a turn for the worst As if tomorrow I’ll be in the back of a hearse. Maybe it’s me, or maybe it’s you Or perhaps I’m just the gullible fool. Many nights I lay awake Frustrated and confused. And I realize I have a lot to lose. But I continue day after day Hoping that maybe something will change. But alas I still awake In the middle of the night. Wishing my tears would wash away the fright. I have grown and my heart has too. Maybe finally this would be enough for you. But I turn from my place To find and empty space. Just bury me with my regret 6 feet under you.

The sweet sound of silence fills my mind as I sit quietly.
Not an echo.
Not even a chirp of a bird in the distance.
Silence.
My mind is silent.
I cannot recall the sound of your voice.
I cannot recall the way your face looked.
I have no pictures to refer to or objects to remind me.
It as if we never met.
Not a howdy or how do you do will ever be exchanged again.
The silence is not a burden, for I do not weep.
Instead I let a smile creep across my face, so subtle, only for me to notice.
The kind of smile I used to have long ago.
Slowly, the noises of the world swallow up the silence.
I open my eyes where I sit, and embrace this new world.
I have found peace.
My perfect world.